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...as seen on NoodleFood.
The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS
office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with
his attorney.
The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have
an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you
explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the
IRS finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove
it," says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?" The auditor thinks
for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand
dollars that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says,
"It's a bet."
Ralph removes his glass eye and bites
it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two
thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye." Now the auditor can
tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Ralph removes his dentures and bites
his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and
lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witnes s. He starts
to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph
asks "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one
side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side,
and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious
now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy
could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips
his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the
stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much
urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing
that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's
attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. "Are you okay?" the
auditor asks.
"Not really," says the attorney. "This
morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he
bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and
piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."
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